Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
