you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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