god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
