walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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