Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
