I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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