Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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