For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
