i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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