he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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