my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
