Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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