she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
