I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
