Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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