Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
