How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
