Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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