All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
