i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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