Betty ford says i'm here all night
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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