im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
