I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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