I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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