i think my tv is drunk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Randomize
