a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
