Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
