Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
