We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
