Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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