Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
A+ Viking dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
