I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
