chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
