The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
