remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How external is "for external use only"?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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