Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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