just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
