I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
