Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
