My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
