So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
