Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have fence marks all over my body
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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