piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude i'm inner monologue high
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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