Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
