"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
