I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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