shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
