I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
