Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
