My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
