It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
