You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
