you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
